I love you Alex Varkatzas and goodbye
by Sydney Lambert
Summary: Okay so, this is a fanfiction for Atreyu's lead singer Alex Varkatzas, whom I adore very much.


I love you, and goodbye

Chapter 1

"Alex, please get off of me!!!!!!" I squealed, squirming, trying to free myself. My best friend was sitting on top of me, and wouldn't get off.

"Nope," He grinned stupidly.

"Ektor Alexander Varkatzas! Please! You're crushing me!" I begged. But Alex refused.

"Fine then…," I said, crossing my arms—pressing my lips together firmly.

He then got off me and sat down beside me.

"You suck, Jordan!" He pouted, giving me a fake hurt look.

"Nah, I'm just not in the mood for playing around."

"You're no fun." I rolled my eyes at his comment, and I looked out the window, the throbbing feeling pain in my chest coming back. Alex's attempts—sitting on me and other annoying things—to make me feel better had only helped to a certain extent.

Alex knew I wasn't happy these days, and had tried just about everything. But nothing would work. I was suffering greatly.

I sighed at that thought and readjusted my gaze at Alex. I didn't want to think about why I was so down…

He was staring at me, with the most concerned look in his eyes.

I swallowed hard.

"Jordan, Hun! Lighten up a bit," Alex inched closer to me, and wrapped his arms around me in a tight bear hug. Being in his arms, made the throbbing pulse, dull slightly and fade away, till there was barely any agony.

I answered his words in my head. I can't lighten up, Alex. If only you knew the real reason. I tell you, it's just because I suffer from clinical depression, which is true—but I also have other reasons. I love you so much it hurts, but it's not mutual. No other boy gets me like you do. You're the only one who makes me feel this way.

I decided to stop. The pain was engulfing me—a pressure was threatening to crush my lungs with its force. You may have been wondering why I, Jordan Draiman, cared for him so long and hadn't just moved on. No, I wasn't waiting for the boy. I'd been single all my life, so I'd never gotten a chance get over him. And every other boy I'd ever liked someone else, had a girlfriend or wasn't attracted to me at all. It wasn't just my feelings for him…I was suffering from clinical depression, but wasn't willing to take drugs, to get out of it. I was determined to let time fix it without a chemical substance in my body. But, so far… time wasn't healing my wounds.

"Come on! Smile…," he took his hand and tried to make me smile. I'd even tried faking the smiles, but he'd seen through.

I couldn't smile. "Alex," I snapped, pushing his hands away, and getting up off the couch.

"I think it's time you leave," I announced through gritted teeth.

My best friend gave me a look. "I'm not leaving Jordan. Not until I'll make sure you're alright."

Ugh. Why did Alex have to be so persistent? Couldn't he see I'd rather suffer alone?

I grumbled at his reaction, sighing. I stared at the floor for a moment, letting my long hazel brown hair fall into m eyes. "Well make yourself comfortable then. You'll be staying a while, because I'm going to sleep, and when I wake up I guarantee you I'll still be the same."

"Then I'm staying the night," he said stubbornly. If he was going to be this way then so be it. I'd go upstairs and lock myself in my room.

"Like I said, make yourself comfortable," I muttered, before heading out of the living room. As I went up the stairs, I heard Alex yell 'good night'. I didn't say anything back and continued down the hallway and into my room. Once inside I shut and locked the door—just in case. Then…I collapsed on my bed…tears finally coming. Safe in my room, I could suffer in peace. I could let out what I'd been bottling up, and hiding so cautiously from Alex.

Any older or smarter person would have told me that I was stupid to let these things get me so down…for me to get so worked up over small things. But it was in my genetic code to beat myself up over the past, dwelling in the memories where I messed up. I tried to let them go, but they haunted me. It came from my father's side…at that I let out a broken sob. My father, was another reason I cried a lot. He never called my mother and I anymore, (he'd left her years before…but had maintained contact for years until recently) and it broke me to pieces, I had no one to turn to anymore. My mother didn't understand like he did.

The tears went on for what seemed like ages, till—to tired to carry on—I feel into a deep slumber. A sleep full of pleasant dreams that turned into nightmares half way through washed over me.


End file.
